Birthday: Varia Style
by Logfella
Summary: Tsuna is invited to Xanxus' birthday party. Happy (belated) Birthday to Xanxus!


Tsuna scrunched his brows at the crumpled banner that hung over the entrance of Varia Castle.

 _Birthday -_ _Girl!-_ _Boy!_

Did…Did someone really buy that, cross it out and write boy? Tsuna glances at two members of the Varia who were frantically yelling to each other running cross the lawn. One of them tripped over a low hedge, dropping their presents.

Tsuna looks back at the looming doors that separate him from his last chance at running away and whatever awaits him on the inside. He _really_ does not want to be here.

No matter how much he loves his Family, Varia included, and likes to celebrate his Family's birthday's, Varia included, he just did not want to celebrate Xanxus' birthday at _Varia Castle_. But of course _Reborn_ decided to throw his ass to the wolves and tell him to get over it.

This Is supposed to be his vacation to see Nono! He didn't know Xanxus' birthday happened to coincide with his trip! Actually, it's a bit weird, now thinking about it, that someone else just as scary as Reborn has a birthday in October close to his own birthday. Why are there so many birthdays in October?

Tsuna sighs and put his present under his arm to free his left to knock. _His_ present for Xanxus? Steak. The best one he could find at the supermarket on his way here. It's probably not quality to Xanxus, but it is to Tsuna. In the bag his right hand is holding is a box of wine, courtesy of his mom after Tsuna told him about the birthday party he would be attending and Nana grabbed the wine (she had been saving it for Iemitsu) and wrapped it up nicely for Tsuna to take with him. Nana told Tsuna to "Wish my oldest son a Happy Birthday!"

The door swings open after 1 second, Tsuna jumping back in alarm at the speed and face that greets him.

Belphegor stands with knife in hand and a grin that screams murder, but not at him. In fact, Tsuna would say that Bel was really on edge from _something_ , given his constant shuffling of feet and body hunched like a runner ready to take off.

"Ushishi, if it isn't the Vongola _peasant_ ," Bel spat.

Tsuna nods, afraid that if he speaks he might have a knife stuck to his arm for the rest of the evening.

Bel pulls Tsuna in by the collar, slamming the door shut and bringing Tsuna up to his face. "Get in the Prince's way then he'll _gut_ you and make a _decoration_ for the mantle. _Understood_?" The Storm Guardian spoke in his high-pitched voice that dripped of venom and promises.

"W-What-?"

"BEL GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THE DINING ROOM! YOU HAVE THE CAKE KNIFE AND WE WANT CAKE NOW!"

Tsuna and Bel both look at the newcomer, that loud voice anybody can recognize from 3 cities away. Squalo grabs Bel's jacket and tosses him to the direction of a pair of doors that stood ajar. Tsuna can hear laughter, jazz music and dishes breaking from what Tsuna assumes to be the party room.

Tsuna gulps.

Bel glares at Squalo but complies, muttering to himself and bringing the knife up in front as he enters the room.

Squalo huffs and pulls Tsuna by the elbow. "Just in time, brat. We're just about to cut the cake."

Tsuna moved his feet to fall in line with the man, grateful for his help. "A-Ah, is that so?" Squalo didn't answer.

Tsuna fumbles with his gifts as they stop in front of the door. "Uh, Squalo, about Bel-?"

The Rain Guardian waves a hand in front of him. It was at this moment Tsuna notices on top of his head a party hat that says _Birthday Boy_. Tsuna must be dreaming. "Stay away from him today, unless you want to lose your eyeballs. He's in a real pissy mood"

"Why?!"

Squalo sighs, "You'll see soon enough. Now get your ass in there, brat!"

Squalo kicked Tsuna through the doors. Tsuna yelps and nearly fell face first into the hardwood floor. But his training with Reborn the Spartan tutor hadn't all been for naught. Tsuna stands up and looks around.

Well, this is a party all right. A Varia party.

At least a hundred people are packed into the giant dining room. Some drunk and dancing, some drunk and passed out along the wall, some eating and yelling, and one hanging from the chandelier singing. Then there were some who were fighting and throwing utensils and plates at each other's heads. Tsuna watches a woman roundhouse kick a guy out the window.

Tsuna wishes someone his age was here. But no, his mom and him were the only ones to come on this trip to Italy and Reborn, the sweet baby that he is, decided he should spend some quality time with Xanxus and his family. The asshole.

The only one close to his age is- what is he doing?

" _Stay away from the Prince you peasant_."

Tsuna hears Squalo next to him growl. "LUSS, HOLD BEL!"

Tsuna spins around to see Luss grab Bel who's crouching on a chair glaring daggers at a woman wearing a surgical mask. The woman shrugs and walks towards Tsuna, only sparing him a glance.

" _I'll kill her I'll kill her I'll kill her-"_

Tsuna gulps watching Bel mutter his threats and thrash in Luss' hold. Tsuna looks back at the woman who walked to the far end of the dining table to where (Tsuna now noticed) Xanxus was sitting. His long legs are propped up on the table and his head was thrown back, chugging down a bottle of wine. To Tsuna's disbelief, he too is wearing a party hat that had Birthday Boy written on it.

Tsuna really did not want to be here.

Xanxus, to Tsuna's dismay, took notice of his new arrival and jerks his head at him. What?

"Go sit by him, brat. You were invited to this party so fucking enjoy it!"

Tsuna speed walks out of Squalo's company to the Varia leader. Tsuna waves slightly at Xanxus who jerks his head to the empty chair beside him. Tsuna quickly sits down.

This is so awkward.

"Hey, kid." Tsuna slowly turns his head to his left. The woman wearing the surgical mask is staring at him. Was it her that called out to him? Tsuna eyes her up and down; her tan skin is noticeable against the pale blue scrubs and lab coat she wears. The sleeves of the coat are rolled up to just below her elbows, revealing very toned arms which Tsuna can only assume is the same for the rest of her body. Her dark hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, her bangs falling slightly into her dark her eyes that stare at him intensely.

"Yes?"

She pulls something out of her pocket and Tsuna tenses, his training telling him to be alert but his Intuition whispering soothing words that it isn't danger.

"Wanna see pictures of my dogs?"

Tsuna's mind goes blank. What?

What she is pulling out turns out to be a phone, that she unlocks, taps through a few times and turns to Tsuna. A picture of two giant dogs swimming in a lake is what Tsuna sees.

"Aren't they cute? The Labrador is Chopper and the German Shepherd is Millie."

Tsuna nods his head slowly, not really sure what else to say since he hasn't gotten over his fear of dogs no matter how much Reborn scolds him for it.

"They're very nice."

She nods her head, "Yes, they are. Nice and cute."

Tsuna hears a loud scoff from across the room. He turns his head to see who was scoffing at the statement, but a familiar knife comes hurling at him but doesn't hit him.

The woman caught the knife, raising an eyebrow at the weapon then towards the owner of it. Bel is hissing at her like a cat ready to strike. Squalo, having taken over of Bel Duty, is restraining him to a chair. Whoever this woman is has made Bel disoriented with rage (fear?) to the point of missing his mark, badly.

 _That could have been me needing a new face._ Tsuna thinks in horror. He turns to the woman next to him.

"Uh, who are you exactly…?"

The woman drops the knife of the table and stretches back. "My name is Amalia, I'm the Varia's dentist. Pleasure to meet you, Sawada Tsunayoshi."

 _Dentist?_

Wait, Tsuna squints at her, she's obviously not a normal dentist if she's the _Varia's_ dentist and just caught a knife that came from the master knife wielder, Bel. So what is the history between the Varia's Storm Guardian and her?

"I can tell you're curious about Bel's disdain for me. Well, ask Squalo or someone else for that story since I'm only here for the cake."

She stands up and takes a slice (which Luss has taken to cutting since Bel is preoccupied at the moment) before slapping a coupon in front of Xanxus.

"Here's a 20% off coupon for frozen yogurt. I'll be out in the gardens if you need me."

Amalia strides on out, avoiding a wayward kick from Bel, while stealing his slice of cake. Bel all but yells bloody murder when their shoulders brush and Squalo is forced to the floor to hold the Prince from murdering their dentist.

"Fucking bitch," Xanxus growls, throwing a fork at her retreating figure.

"Are you and her not on good terms either or..?"

Xanxus violently grabs the coupon and shoves it in Tsuna's face. It takes a second for his eyes to adjust and read it. The coupon expired last month.

"Oh."

"SQUALO, WHERE'S THE FUCKING STEAK?!"

Squalo looks like a fisherman wrangling a tuna with Bel's thrashing. "IT'S COMING OUT IN 1 MINUTE! LET ME SEE YOU TRY AND HOLD BEL DOWN WHENEVER AMALIA IS AROUND, YOU JACKASS!"

Luss tuts them both and walks to Tsuna, taking the presents with a smile. "So good to see you Tsu-kun~! Call me if you need anything, okay?" Tsuna tilts his head in thanks and leans back into his chair, not really sure of what to do.

It isn't his first time at a birthday party (just remembering having to celebrate Reborn's every year since his arrival 2 years ago makes him shiver) but… a Varia party for the Varia leader _Xanxus_? Tsuna doesn't look at the leader, he doesn't want to be questioned for staring or asked to do something outrageous.

"Oi, brat."

And yet.

"Y-Yes?"

Tsuna stiffly turns and looks at Xanxus. The man is cracking his knuckles menacingly while eyeing him. The Birthday Boy hat isn't helping soothe Tsuna's frayed nerves. Well, everything Xanxus does is menacing. He could probably make flipping pancakes look menacing.

Xanxus tilts his head. _Crack_. (Gulp).

"What did you bring me?"

Bring-? Oh, right. Birthday party. Presents.

"S-Steak. And Mama gave you wine. She says Happy Birthday." Xanxus flips the empty wine bottle in his hand.

"She's in Italy too?"

"Yeah, dad wanted her to take a vacation too so, yeah it was just easier to come together, you know?"

Xanxus taps the bottle, "Yeah. Should've put her on the invite list."

" _What-_ "

"Steak is ready!"

Like magic, a plate of steak comes flying to land in front of Tsuna. But it isn't magic. Its just Luss literally throwing a plate in front of Tsuna. A steak is thrown in front of everyone seated at the table. Xanxus slams his feet on the floor at the arrival of his foot high steak plate.

"You can have cake _after_ you eat your dinner, Tsu-kun. You're still a growing boy, after all."

Tsuna gapes at Luss.

"Yeah, kid, we didn't let Bel eat any sweets before dinner either," Squalo pipes (yells) up. "It's not good for you!"

Bel, who is sitting in between Squalo and Levi, drags a knife across the table. " _Kill the peasant, kill the peasant_ -"

Tsuna feels something drop in his hair.

"Parties are so expensive it's such a waste," came a squeaky voice from above.

"You think?" He hears a scoff from the baby. Since the break of the curse, every Arcobaleno has been growing, each to their own pace, however. Skull is already the size of an 8 year old, laughing whenever he's in Reborn's barely one-foot presence. It's always Tsuna and I-Pin who need to pull Skull's head out of the wall when Reborn kicks him.

It seems Viper hasn't grown yet or rather, he can feel Viper's weight is slightly bigger than last he saw them. It's just Viper is growing much slower than the rest.

"What's the story with Bel and Amalia?"

"How much are you paying me for my services?"

Tsuna blanched. He forgot about Viper's greedy little personality. "U-Um, never mind-"

"Viper, be nice to Tsu-kun, and on Boss' birthday for goodness sake!"

Tsuna feels a tiny fist hit the top of his head. "You're lucky it's his birthday, brat."

Is he really?

"Amalia is our dentist. Cheapest we can afford who is also good at her work and can handle us."

Tsuna eyes Bel. The Prince is breaking a fork. "Bel needed braces when he was younger. Amalia just finished her degree in dentistry. But she never actually practiced on any real people, or even dummies."

"What was she practicing on _before_ , then?"

"Nothing. She finished her dentistry degree online all in 2 months. Bel was her first subject. Amalia wasn't… Good, at first, not great though, despite her background as an army doctor."

Tsuna gasped. He can see it now, Bel strapped to a dentist chair but breaking it off the floor to get away from Amalia.

Wait.

" _Army doctor?!_ "

"That was before her job in the Italian secret service."

" _What?!"_

"I was never able to get it out of her, but I heard she started and finished her dentistry degree while protecting the Prime Minister after their plane crashed in Amazon."

"I DOUBT IT!" Tsuna yells.

Viper scoffs, "I doubt it, too. I believe it was the President of the United States she was protecting."

Tsuna tugs at his hair. "That's not what I meant!"

Viper tugs a clump of his hair. "Don't move or I'll kick you into Bel."

Tsuna froze.

Viper sighs in content, Tsuna moaning inwardly at his poor luck in life.

"Viper, do you celebrate your birthday?"

"I have no birthday."

"O-Oh, is that so?"

The weight leaves his head. Well, then…

" _PEASANT!"_

When did Amalia sit next to Tsuna again? Why next to him again?! He didn't want to be in the line of fire -!

"I'm also here for the steak," Amalia spoke, cutting into a piece of the meat.

A light touch is felt on Tsuna's head once again, which he assumes to be Viper taking a seat on his head again, except something snaps under his chin like being hit by a rubber band.

"You wear this while I eat my steak, brat." Tsuna's mouth dropped. He looks to the leader of the Varia, who is chewing steak in content. Without a birthday party hat.

Xanxus put the Birthday Boy party hat on Tsuna's head.

Xanxus.

Did.

A plate goes zipping by his head, Amalia expertly dodging. Bel is tackled onto the table by Levi. Squalo is trying to pry the spoon Bel is waving around threateningly at Amalia.

It seems the party hat was blown to the side of his head, since Tsuna can feel the cheap material rub his ear, and since he's watching Xanxus adjust the party hat back ontop of his head. Tsuna hears a click in the background, which he _knows_ is Luss with that fancy new camera he bought a month ago. He showed off during his last visit in Japan.

Birthday parties. Varia style. Of course nothing is normal.

Tsuna sighs but picks up his fork.

"Happy Birthday, Xanxus."

A grunt. Tsuna smiles.


End file.
